Almost A Year.

To my dearest Tara,

I'm not coping too well. My emotions have exploded but I'm trying really hard to keep them in. I came across our "Contract", dated 05/11/04. You made a contract for us to both sign stating:

I, Tara Nicole Salazar, promise to start and share a business with my co-partner, Christina Dee Topacio, 2 years after high school. We will keep in contac
t and never change. Our plans will remain the same, as long as we live.

Then, we both signed, dated, til forever. To many and most, this doesn't mean much or anything at all but to us, it meant the world. Back then, we never realized how deep those words could cut; as long as we live. Never did I think that you would go, and leave; your not coming back. But now, more than ever, I'm going to fulfill our dreams. I'm your co-partner remember? Even if you dropped out, I'm here to still carry on our dreams.

Sometimes I just want to yell at God, to tell Him to bring you back; to see Jayla grow up; to be there for Derek; to be my best friend again. I know that you were taken for a reason but it's so hard for me to understand why.

I wish you were here. I wish I didn't lose contact with you. I wish I didn't get sick on your birthday. I wish your dad didn't take me to the hospital and take him away from your special day. I wish I was there for Jayla's birth. I wish I was there for her 1st birthday. I wish I was there to hold your hand through the rough times. I wish I was there as the best friend I said I was always going to be. I let you down and I'm sorry. I used to feel peace that you were gone because I felt like we were okay, that you still valued me when you left this earth; really, that wasn't the case and I'm so sorry for that. I can't take back the time lost, I can't take back the fact that your gone and I can't take back the fact that I wasn't there for you after your birthday.
I felt hurt that you left me. I felt hurt that you went with him instead of staying with me.

Now, it's all clear and I'm so thankful to understand now. I can't turn back time but I'm going to be there for Jayla. She will always know who you were and what a wonderful person you were. She'll know her friends and the people she valued most. I won't let her down; I promise. Contract signed.

You know, I'm still planning on creating that clothing business we always talked about. That is why I'm back in school. I'm going to do this. Your going to be a part of it whether you know it or not. You started this with me, your always going to be a part of this.

Your daughter is beautiful Tara. She is amazing and so smart. Derek is doing a great job raising lil' mama. We are all there for her too. She needs that female influence. :) I just wish you were here to see that little smile she has and girl, she acts just like you. She is such a story teller and loves people. I could spend hours with her, just like me and you did.

The girls miss you badly. On your birthday we all gathered at Derek's, to celebrate your life. It was really hard for some people; easier for others. We all got together though, no matter our feelings and our ways to handle you leaving us, to be with Jayla and Derek.

I miss our Jack and Ranch days. I miss sitting in the parking lot of Jack and talking forever. I remember the day I was moving, we sat in that parking lot til 530, right before I literally was packed up and moving. I don't think we talked much; I think we were scared to cry. I remember us coming back to the house and making a pact and then writing our names on the wall mountings as best friends. The people that live there now looked; it's not there anymore. I remember the day you called me crying, apologizing for me being mean to me; you were just sad I was moving. That was one example of why you were my best friend. You made my whole experience at DR so much better. You gave me great friends and showed me what a quality family is made of, no matter the drama. :) There are so many memories with you but I feel like most of them are going to be kept sacred to me.

I just want to say I miss you and I wait for the day I'll see you again.

I love you Tara Nicole.

Love always,
Christina Dee.


  1. Hope you don't mind me "commenting" ;) I just had to say that Tara was definitely a blessing because she made your initial misery at DR turn around. She really did make you feel special and brought you right into the group - she had all these friends already and yet there must have been something about you. I know... it was because you two were so alike. I'm sorry for your sadness - I wish I could take it away. I love you.